I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
