well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
