hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
