Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
