I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
