Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
