ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
