WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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