Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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