my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
