There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
