Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
