You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
