so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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