i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
