Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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