My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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