we made out on top of his cat.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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