dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
