I'm gonna have a badass scar
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
