hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
