This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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