Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We need to get me chipped asap
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
