the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
