The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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