omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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