dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
