You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
