It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
