High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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