did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
