At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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