do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
