If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
