i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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