What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
