just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
