I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
