Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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