sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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