PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Screwed.edu
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
where are you?
Hypothermia
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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