Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
