i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
