got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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