I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
