Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
