We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
