he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
