every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We need to get me chipped asap
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
