You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
