how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
