And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
