Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
