Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
